Thursday, March 14, 2013

BIG- memory

Week 2 of Fearless Painting- BIG

This week Connie's upped the anty :) and we're going straight to Fearless BIG painting- Yahoo- I couldn't wait to be honest. She's asked us to start with a memory, and a thing that stands out from that memory. It could be recent or distant, happy or sad. Here's my journalling answers.

What memory did I choose? Why did I choose this memory?

I chose the memory of the birth of my first born. Jess was born at home after a long wait, it was a big deal for her to be born at home, as we were deemed odd by some friends and family by making this choice. So it felt a bit of a fight to get what we both felt like was the right choice for us. 
Jess's birth was a deeply empowering moment in my Life, I will never forget the Joy I felt through the birthing process and the Awe and Wonder as I first saw her and reached for her hand. It was this memory I chose.

What was challenging about this painting this week?

I was fighting the whole time how I felt like my drawing and painting wasn't good enough to do the memory justice, I had to work on that the whole time. Also I realised I have a thing about my paintings looking Real or Life like I had to let that go too.
My Fear Gremlin, kept saying "you don't even like to paint people" "Why are you painting people?"

What was I resisting--and how did my resistance take form? (excuses, fear, doubt, anger, procrastination, reasoning, etc.)

As above really "it needs to look real" and I resisted the lilac and blue skin- just had to go with it.

How did I work past my challenges and what lesson(s) did I learn?

Just knowing that there are no mistakes, and knowing that in the past I've always know when the painting was finished, and that I'm always pleased and happy and Joy filled with the finished painting.

What surprised me this week?

I thought the baby would be in the middle, but as I drew the first lines on that huge blank piece of paper, I was like That's no baby. And I had a second lasting Fear shout- and then just went with the pen flowing :-)

That the adult in the picture ( that's supposed to be me) looks quite masculine, and that the figure had to be lilac and blue. That the end painting maybe had less to do with my birth experience and more to do with a spiritual Rebirth.

What intention(s) do I hold in my heart for next week?

That I'm going to get BIGGER :-)

What does BIG look and feel like to me now?

Feeling Good - Lets get BIGGER.

Thanks for Following my Fearless BIG Journey.


Krisha said...

AAAH Debi it is beautiful and what a wonderful memory. I love that you gave yourself a BIG heart, just shows the love of being a Mom. I thnk this is a beautiful and magical painting. We all deal with that fear gremlin, but a swift kick usually does the trick!!

Jenny Marples said...

So impressed with how you are really going for it with your art Debi. It would have me running for the hills but you are attacking this with gusto. Looking forward to week 3. Hugs, Jenny x