BIG, a very delayed week 5

I'm absolutely Thrilled to have finally finished week 5 of Fearless BIG painting. I started the Fearless painting adventure many many weeks ago. in a pattern I'm determined to beat this time, as the finish approached I slowed down and seemed unable to move through week 5.

Week 5 was about painting How it Feels to be You, that was fine, and to paint the biggest we'd ever painted, that was fine too (so I thought). So I went BIG and Juicy- 4 times the size I'd been painting up till then. I started this painting in week 5.......Once I started I actually felt completely overwhelmed. I couldn't get the flow of paint quick enough on the paper. The paper seemed to demand alot of paint and the size, I was having to crawl all over the painting. I had the figure the owl and most of the background done, but the fear gremlin didn't like it.... not good enough, not this not that.
And so a big pause happened, I'd feel guilty every time I walked past the folded paper, that always seemed to be in the way! And feeling guilty being part of the Fearless Tribe, like a fraud.
Then today the urge to paint was so strong, that I just squeezed the paint on the palate and went for it.

And finally it's finished and I love it! I went over some of the previous painted bits, to brighten and add depth.

Hard to show the painting in it's fullness, here are some more:

The Owl

Red Lotus and Desert

Face

I tried not to analyse but just paint- but as I got towards the end I realised that the elements are represented as well as Day and Night, Light and Dark.

Finally to give you an idea of the size, here's a photo of the face with a pen.

Size guide, see the pen

I feel inspired now to keep going and finish BIG, with week 6 (ish) next week.

Thanks for visiting today, have a great week.

Big - Week 4

Here we are at the end- just about of week 4 of BIG, feels like we're getting to the nitty gritty, the heart of the matter.

I'm amazed at how my fear of the white paper has gone, and my fear of the size of the paper has gone, and even the gremlin was quieter this week.

This week we have some exercises - morning pages, drawing every morning before starting the day, I'll be showing you some of those another time :-)

And then contours, first we did a self portrait by looking in the mirror and drawing the contours of our face. Then we had to do the same thing again, but this time only looking at the mirror- not the paper! freaky!!!

Here's my first contour painting:

and here's the Fearless second one

What came up for me as I painted this second one, was how I  box or compartmentilise my life, and how that destroys the beauty of me and the Joy of Life.

I'm looking forward to diving deeper into getting Bigger!! more colour more freedom more BIG.

Big-Week 3

Big Week 3

I'm running just a tiny bit behind on my Fearless painting :( Here's my week 3 painting- it's BIG :) It's about 1 metre by 75cm.

Here's my journalling for this week.

Curious, with my week 2 painting I was really curious about how I looked like a man in my painting, quite masculine, so that's where I started for this painting. Same old fear gremlins- starting to wonder if he ever goes away?? maybe he just gets quieter or he's easier to shut up?

This weeks fear gremlin Was Like "this is ridculous" "too Colourful"  "like a Circus" "stupid, why'd you want to do a hat" etc etc

I had such a hard time with the hat, keep hearing I had to do a hat, so didn't want to do a hat lol

I don't like this painting much- guess that's the gremlin again. 

to me it conjures all the elements: Earth, Wind/Air, Fire and Water. 

BIG- memory

Week 2 of Fearless Painting- BIG

This week Connie's upped the anty :) and we're going straight to Fearless BIG painting- Yahoo- I couldn't wait to be honest. She's asked us to start with a memory, and a thing that stands out from that memory. It could be recent or distant, happy or sad. Here's my journalling answers.

What memory did I choose? Why did I choose this memory?

I chose the memory of the birth of my first born. Jess was born at home after a long wait, it was a big deal for her to be born at home, as we were deemed odd by some friends and family by making this choice. So it felt a bit of a fight to get what we both felt like was the right choice for us. 

Jess's birth was a deeply empowering moment in my Life, I will never forget the Joy I felt through the birthing process and the Awe and Wonder as I first saw her and reached for her hand. It was this memory I chose.

What was challenging about this painting this week?

I was fighting the whole time how I felt like my drawing and painting wasn't good enough to do the memory justice, I had to work on that the whole time. Also I realised I have a thing about my paintings looking Real or Life like I had to let that go too.

My Fear Gremlin, kept saying "you don't even like to paint people" "Why are you painting people?"

What was I resisting--and how did my resistance take form? (excuses, fear, doubt, anger, procrastination, reasoning, etc.)

As above really "it needs to look real" and I resisted the lilac and blue skin- just had to go with it.

How did I work past my challenges and what lesson(s) did I learn?

Just knowing that there are no mistakes, and knowing that in the past I've always know when the painting was finished, and that I'm always pleased and happy and Joy filled with the finished painting.

What surprised me this week?

I thought the baby would be in the middle, but as I drew the first lines on that huge blank piece of paper, I was like That's no baby. And I had a second lasting Fear shout- and then just went with the pen flowing :-)

That the adult in the picture ( that's supposed to be me) looks quite masculine, and that the figure had to be lilac and blue. That the end painting maybe had less to do with my birth experience and more to do with a spiritual Rebirth.

What intention(s) do I hold in my heart for next week?

That I'm going to get BIGGER :-)

What does BIG look and feel like to me now?

Feeling Good - Lets get BIGGER.

Thanks for Following my Fearless BIG Journey.

Deb is Going BIG

Yep, I'm going Fearlessly BIG. It's taken a lot of time thinking about it, but now is the tme to actually start and Do.
So Last week I started with Connie of Dirty Footprints Studio the Fearless BIG 6 week painting course. These are my first 4 exercises.

I'm already soooooo excited and Joy filled with these creations, I LOVE how they turned out.

These are all painted with acrylic on BIG pieces of Cartridge paper- 24 x 36 inches.

The first exercise - was the Scribble Exercise

I just went for it :-) and just let myself go for it with big strokes of colour.

a Close up:

The Next Exercise was the Flow Line, now I just Loved this, the colours and the painting flowed, and then I felt connected and I know that this was about my hubby and Me- full of Love and Passion. The little Fear Gremlin had a go- about following the Rules of the exercise- but I just said- hey the only thing I need to do is Listen and Feel the painting.

The next exercise was Shape or Shapes, I went with a teardrop- cause that was the first thing that popped into my head. I found this exercise tricky to do- as the Fear Gremlin was right there first hesitation, first doubt:- You chose the wrong shape, you don't know what you're doing, this is a mess etc. But once I just breathed centred and just went with and stopped worrying about what it was going to look like, I found joy in my shapes.

Finally, Draw like a 5 year old- classic, this just made my heart smile :-) the first thing that popped into my head was a Chicken. So a chicken it was. First, though I thought maybe I'd just do this exercise on a smaller piece of paper- A3, to save paper to not waste paper- (there's that pesky Gremlin again) but as soon as I picked it up, I was like No WAY!! that's way too small - BIG all the way.

I love my chicken picture- I painted it with the thought, the chicken has feathers, it's orange, it has a chick - it lays eggs the grass is green and the sun is big and yellow. Trying to attach no thoughts to the process.

I think what I learned today, is that actually I love to paint BIG, that I love Colour, and that I worry way too much about wasting paint, wasting paper, wasting time. And that I have a thing about painting to the Rules, whatever those might be. But that I can let go of that and just Flow and feel the Joy of being BIG and colourful.

Here's to week 2 of BIG